Squiffy, The Syrian Asylum Seeker

Jennifer emailed me out of the blue to let me know that she desperately needed my help to save her life and get her out of a war-torn Syria. As luck would have it, she also had £2 million she needed to get across to the UK.

I'm not surprised she contacted me, I'm very experienced with this kind of thing.

I'm not quite sure why I started calling her Squiffy, it just seemed to fit somehow.

From: Jennifer Amina
Date: 30 January 2014 20:36:21
To: Ben Jameson
Subject: MY NAME IS JENNIFER, PLEASE HELP ME.‏

Jennifer Amina.Good Day.

FROM Jennifer Amina.

My E-mail: syjenniferaminas@yahoo.com.hk

With tears rolling down my eyes and with total submission to the will of God Allah, I Choose this means to communicate you because I am sure I will get in contact with the right person that will be honest to me.

My name is Jennifer Amina, I am 22 years old girl, and I am from Damascus Syria. I am studying nursing science in the university of Damascus, before the war started in Syria. The war in my country Syria has taken many lives, and rendered many people homeless, I am just a refugee now. Its so sad that one afternoon I came back home, and see my fathers house destroyed by bomb by the rebels, and my family were inside the house when this happened, I lost my two brothers and my father and mother. Since all my family members has died in war, I see no reason to live and enjoy my life again. My father was murdered with my mother at the same day.

I truly need your help because I discovered that my father deposited some money in a bank in London and used me as the next of kin, and I have been looking for a way to receive the fund from the bank in London. Because of my current situation, I contacted you to help me and sponsor me to receive GBP. £.2.000.000.00 Two million great British pounds sterling , which my father deposited with a bank in London United kingdom, and the bank has sent me an E-mail yesterday that I should come and claim the money because I am the only surviving person in my family.

You should click here for more information's about the Syria war: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Syrian_civil_war

http://www.aljazeera.com/news/middleeast/2013/08/2013811144629632891.html I suggest that when you receive the money with your bank account, you will take 40% forty percent of the money for helping me, then you advise me on how to invest the remaining 60% sixty percent in your country, because the money will be in your bank account.

Please help me and receive this money, and I will come to your country and live with you. I am homeless now, and i manage to get access to internet, no phones network. I am in pains, please I need your urgent help.

My last prayer is that may the soul of my family members rest in peace, and May they rest in the bosom of God.

Please suggest for me, will you like to receive the fund in your country, then I will join you in your country, or will you want to finance me to receive the money then I will join you in your country also.

You should contact me on my E-mail: syjenniferaminas@yahoo.com.hk

Kindly contact me with my E-mail at: syjenniferaminas@yahoo.com.hk for more details.

May God bless you and your family !

From:

Jennifer Amina.

From: Ben Jameson
Date: 30 January 2014 23:32:59
To: syjenniferaminas@yahoo.com.hk
Subject:Hi Jennifer

Hi Jennifer,

Thank you for emailing me, I was so deeply touched by your story about Syria that I vomited all over my tabby cat. I would love to be able to help you receive your huge amount of money and I can understand exactly why you would want to contact someone like me who you've never met in order to entrust me with a couple of million pounds.

Please let me know what I can possibly do to help your merry fish head.

Love,

Ben Frimbly Crimpo Grones Jameson

From: Amina Jennifer
Date: 31 January 2014 02:57:07
To: Ben Jameson
Subject: RE: Hi Jennifer

Dear Ben,

I received your response.

Honestly, I really need your help, my condition is worst now and my family members has all died. Please I need you to save my life please save my life for God.

I appreciate your email. Please I want you to tell me about your self, what is your name, your country, your work? are you married or do you have children? Now I am in Syria and the war here in Syria is getting worst everyday, because people are in danger. My name is Jennifer Amina Saib, am 22 years old, my late fathers name is Alhaji Mohammed ali Saib, and I am the only daughter I have three 3 brothers who also died in war bomb blast with my father and mother. Now I am left alone, with the hope.

I will send you my photos and other information's you need OK, just tell me about your self and your willingness to help me OK.

Today I want you to advise me on what to do, I need to know if you will finance me to pay the necessary bank charges or you will like to receive the fund in your bank account in your country so that I will join you in your country and live there for my safety.

Life is miserable for me, I do not have joy in my life since i lost my family in bomb blast, I feel so sad and unhappy.

I need someone I can trust and I need someone to be with and care for me so that I will recover from the bad shock.

The bank is Natwest Bank Plc London, and the bank manager contacted me and the bank manager told me that they will contact me and inform me on the basic requirements of the bank, because the I can not go to London and I have no money and I can not feed or sleep with rest. Life is turning around and I feel so bad in life. I have no joy in my life, and I feel like killing my self.

I want to start a new life with the money my father deposited with my name in London, I need you to help me in tow ways, one I want you to use your bank account and receive the money from the bank in London, and I also want to you to welcome me in your country so that I will live in your country, and become part of your family.

Please advise me, I want you to receive the fund in your bank account in your country and I will join you in your country and live there. I want you to advise me on what to do with the money gbp.2.000.000.00 (Two million great British pounds sterling), and immediately the fund is in your bank account I will come to your country OK.

I wait for you to advise me and tell me about yourself and also advise me.

I will send you the information the bank will send to me, and I want you to always be my adviser OK.

I wait to hear from you.

Have a good day.

Thanks.
Jennifer Amina.

From: Ben Jameson
Date: 31 January 2014 11:07:32
To: Amina Jennifer
Subject: RE: Hi Jennifer

Hello Squiffy,

Great to hear from you again, I think you're really getting the hang of this email thing. I will definitely help you. But first a bit about me...

I was born to the great Earl of Basingstoke, Jeffrey Jefferson, 120 years ago. However, having become trapped in a freezer for 89 years and therefore moving forward in time without ageing until my eventual release, I am only 31 years old. I live in a big house with a strange old man, but I plan to get rid of him soon as he's starting to smell a bit and in any case I don't know who he is. He says his name is Kevin, but he also wears a T-shirt which says 'The Man With No Name'. When you get here you can have his room. I work at a poggio factory, making small mounds of grass. I'm probably the best there ever was.

I'd love to help you and would enjoy reading more about your horrible life if you could tell me some more. It's a bit like reading an Andy McNab story only not quite as expensive (or as good).

Look forward to hearing from your spoons.

Love,

Ben Heisenberg Jameson

From: Jennifer Amina
Date: 31 January 2014 11:29:57
To: Ben Jameson
Subject: MY PICTURES

Dear Ben I received your mail.

Please I want you to understand that I really need your help, and I am sure you will save my life from this condition. I believe God want to use you to save my life, and I want to thank you so much for your help OK.

Now I get my pictures from Facebook, and I took snap shot when I was in the university in Damascus Syria, and I want to send you my pictures now, so that you know me and you see my picture OK.

Now I want you to help me in three 3 ways, I want you to use your bank account in your country and receive the fund my father left for me in London, and I will come to your country.

Secondly, I want you to bring me to your country, so that I will come to your country and start life again, and you want to come to your country and start school and I start a new life and live in your country.

The third help, now i want you to help me and advise me on how I will use the money I will receive from the bank and start business and work in your country OK.

Tell me about your country? Is your country hard to survive in? Can I live in your country peacefully without war?

I always cry when I see the situation of people here in my country, people die everyday, because the Sunni jihadi killing the people, and now they are using chemical weapons to kill innocent people, children are lost and the parents are dead, nobody cares. and you see children crying and looking for there parents and the parents are killed my the rebels.

Now yesterday we hear that the Syrian army discovered cylinders of Sarin Toxic gas used by foreign-backed militants in the city of Hama here in Syria, and they used the chemical to kill people here, now people run for there life safety. Here in Syria, there is a village called Jabal al-Zawiya, 281 people died there because of chemical they used chemical weapons to kill innocent people by the rebels. Bashar al-Assad is the president and he do not want to save innocent people.

The war here may not end, because its 3 years now since the war started and am afraid I will die.

Please help me and save my life OK.

I sent Email to bank and the bank said they will contact me and I WAIT TO HEAR FROM YOU.

God bless you and your family.

I pray for you everyday OK.

From Jennifer.

Attached pictures:

From: Jennifer Amina
Date: 31 January 2014 11:54:23
To: Ben Jameson
Subject: RE: Hi Jennifer

DEAR BEN GOOD DAY. How are you? I hope you are in good condition of health?

Today I received an E-mail from the manager of the Natwest Bank, his name is (Prof.George White), and the bank manager told me that I have to come to London to receive the fund from the bank office in London and the bank manager also said I have to sign some necessary documents to enable the bank to transfer the fund to the to me.

The bank manager said I have to get three (3) documents; I have to get the affidavits documents ,the tax waiver from the British tax commission and the Non-EU residential document Non-EU residential documents (NEURD). The bank manager said since I am not in London, I have to get this directed me to these 3 documents through a British lawyer Barrister Victoria Hogarth. The bank manager directed me to the British lawyer saying that the lawyer is qualified and have the capacity to get me the 3 documents from the British Crown Court in London. The Contact E-mail of the lawyer Barrister Victoria Hogarth: barr_victoriahogarth@hotmail.com

And today the bank manager sent me 3 three document and I attached the documents herein OK.

Now I told the bank manager that I do not have a have a bank account, and I can not come to London to receive the fund personally because I am in a war country Syria, and I do not have money to pay for air ticket to London and I can not get visa, because the Embassy is not working because of war.

Also I told the bank manager that I want to receive the fund with your bank account, and I told the bank manager I want to receive the fund with your bank account because I told him that you are my bosom friend and I want to receive the fund with your bank account so that I can travel to your country and start a new life there because the war here in Syria is dangerous for me.

Now I want you to send me your bank account details so that I will send it to the bank, and the bank manager said the bank will process and transfer the fund to your bank account within 2 or 3 days.

I want to use your bank account to receive the money from the bank because there is no safe place for me to keep the fund here in Syria. The

PROVIDE THIS INFORMATION FOR THE BENEFICIARIES BANK ACCOUNT DETAILS:

Bank Name:......?

Bank Account Name:......?

Bank account Number:......?

Bank Address:......?

Bank Tel:......?

Country:............?, State:..............?, City:.......?

Fax:......?

Telex:......?

Aba/swift code:............(If available).

Now I suggest that you should take 40% of the fund when you receive the fund in your bank account, and you should keep 60% of the fund for me, so that I will use it to start a new life life when I come to your country. Now the lawyer will contact you soonest, I will send your contact to the lawyer OK. The lawyer will also sign agreement with you, and the lawyer will make sure that the fund transfer will be to your bank account OK.

As I have told you, I want to start school again, and begin a new life.

I want to ask you question, will you want to welcome me to be part of your family? Do you want me to live with your family? So want me to alone or around you.

Please advise me, what business can I start in your country with the 60% of the fund I will get?

Should I start business and forget schooling?

I need advise from you OK.

I WANT TO THANK YOU FOR YOUR HELP, AND PLEASE ALWAYS PRAY FOR ME, I NEED TO SURVIVE IN MY LIFE AND I WAIT TO HEAR FROM YOU.

God bless you and your family.

Thanks.
Jennifer amina saib.

From: Ben Jameson
Date: 31 January 2014 12:16:38
To: Jennifer Amina
Subject: RE: Hi Jennifer

Hi Squiffy,

I'm very good thanks. I'm glad to hear Prof. George White has contacted you from Natwest, as it's always reassuring when professors work in banks. I'm also very happy to hear that a brand new organisation, the British Tax Commission, has been set up so they can provide you with a tax waiver.

Is it too early to say that I love you? I'm not very knowledgeable about Syrian email etiquette. If this is a bit forward, then instead I'll just add that I abhor the ground you walk on.

Thank you for sending the rancid pictures of yourself. They are very nice pictures, so nice in fact that I was sick on myself, but in a nice way.

I buried some of my bank details in a hole in the garden so will have to find them and dig them out, but until I do please see below for some of the other details you asked for:

Bank Name: Bank of Crispin

Bank Account Name: Ben Groffly Cramebar

Bank account Number: I'll get back to you with this

Bank Address: Somewhere on an Island off the coast of Norfolk. I'll find out the exact details for you if you want, but if you go there, ask for a guy named Cedric and he'll point you in the right direction anyway.

Bank Tel: I'm not sure if they've got a phone, they're a bit funny like that

Country:England

State: Nicely kept

City: No, it's a country

Fax: Do these still exist?

Telex: What sort of weird technology is this?

Aba/swift code: Not sure

Look forward to hearing from you soon Squiffy.

Love,

Ben Stripy Fishwick

From: Jennifer Amina
Date: 31 January 2014 13:46:18
To: Ben Jameson
Subject: RE: Hi Jennifer

DEAR BEN

Thank again for you replying once more. It pleases me to hear you like my pictures, i will very look forward to seeing you in actual person.

I have the details you sent but must require your account number to proceed. Can you have this for me?
Jennifer

From: Ben Jameson
Date: 01 February 2014 10:12:42
To: Jennifer Amina
Subject: RE: Hi Jennifer

Hi Squiffy,

I would be only too happy to send you my bank details. I've had a dig around in the garden and they haven't turned up yet but I'm sure the cat will find them the next time he is digging a hole in which to bury his faeces.

In case he doesn't I have a new plan. Instead of giving you my bank details, I will send my friend over to meet you and bring you back. His name is Dave and I met him in the pub last night and was telling him about you. He said if I gave him £50 he would come over to escort you to safety. I've already paid him so I hope you will be happy to accompany Dave. He said he used to be in the SAS so he's really good at doing this sort of thing. I'm sure you'll like him but please be careful as he seems a bit crazy after a couple of drinks and someone else in the pub said he can get a bit stabby when he doesn't trust someone.

Please let me know that this is ok and we'll arrange a place for him to meet you.

Love,

Ben Kropotkin.

From: Jennifer Amina
Date: 01 February 2014 11:14:39
To: Ben Jameson
Subject: RE: Hi Jennifer

DEAR BEN

Thank you for such reply but please there is no need to send your friend to danger!

I have another way for us to do this. Please make payment by westernunion for me. if you pay £270 to me i will be able to arange safe transport to the border. i will be able to attend the bank in person when i arrive and together we will share the £2000,000
please make westernunion payment to my friend who will see it arrives with me, he has made it to china and he will pick up the payment.

Below is the payment detail

First Name: Bao
Last Name: Zhang
City: shenzhen
Province: guangdong
Country: China
Zip code： 518028

When payment is made please let me know the mtcn and i will be able to withdraw and be with you soon.

From: Ben Jameson
Date: 01 February 2014 11:44:02
To: Jennifer Amina
Subject: RE: Hi Jennifer

Dear Squiffy,

Thank you for your email. It's good to hear one of your friends has escaped to China as this seems like the natural place to travel to from Syria in order to avoid an oppressive regime. Maybe he is making his way towards North Korea for ultimate freedom?

At first I was worried when you said you don't want to meet Dave as he was already on his way to Syria, but luckily he had a nasty accident when he was attacked en route to the airport by a monkey that had escaped from London Zoo so he wouldn't have been able to make it anyway.

Anyway, I went to make the Western Union payment but couldn't find my wallet. Do you know where it is?

Love,

Benji

From: Jennifer Amina
Date: 01 February 2014 12:53:22
To: Ben Jameson
Subject: RE: Hi Jennifer

DEAR BEN

i don't know what you mean by your letter why would i know where your wallet is? please just make payment now as i amm in very danger now and need to get out of here to save my life and my family.

please make payment now or you might never see me.
Jennifer

From: Ben Jameson
Date: 01 February 2014 13:03:23
To: Jennifer Amina
Subject: RE: Hi Jennifer

Dear Squiffy,

When you write 'Dear Ben' each time you write it in capitals and it sort of sounds like you're shouting at me. I'm not complaining, this is just an observation. But do you always shout hello at people? I'd ideally like to know before I consider introducing you to any of my friends.

I have found my wallet and it's empty. I now remember lending it to Dave last night as he asked if he could wear it for a while, and I think he must have been mugged during this time. So I have no money. But I am going to try and sell my cat to one of my neighbours to cover the cost. Or do they accept pets as currency in Syria? I could always send you a cat instead. I know someone offered my Dad two camels in exchange for my Mum when they were in Iran once.

Love,

Ben Trimble Clothface

From: Jennifer Amina
Date: 01 February 2014 13:40:59
To: Ben Jameson
Subject: RE: Hi Jennifer

DEAR BEN

I think you might not be serious or you doesnt understand the situation here. If you do not get me money today i may as well be dead. we dont use cats for mnoey you know this.

From: Ben Jameson
Date: 01 February 2014 19:05:13
To: Jennifer Amina
Subject: RE: Hi Jennifer

Dear Squiffy,

I'm sorry to hear you don't accept cats as payment over there, things are obviously worse than I thought.

I've sent you a dog instead. I hope you like it, it's a greyhound with extensive special training for extraction missions.

Love,

Ben Flopsy Tortoise

NO REPLY!